Inner strength

Throughout my life I have always heard people telling me ” be strong” or ”everything will be okay”. And though I know things will work out, I often ask myself what does it mean to be strong. Does it mean not to cry or have breakdowns? Does it mean just keep going and don’t look back? Does it mean to not be vulnerable? Does it mean don’t talk bout my problems? Does it mean be silent and do what I have to do?

Thing is each problem or curveball that life hits us requires a different level of strength. Not just the physical strength but I am talking bout the emotional and mental strength. You see, no one ever taught me how to grieve or what should I do when I’m unable to walk for two months or how to let someone go. In fact, I don’t think anyone can teach us how to be strong. It’s something you have to choose to do. It’s something you want to do.

My brother recently reminded me that we grew up tough, not that we didn’t get love from our parents, but we grew up working hard for even the littlest of things. We had what we needed and that was that. But our mother always told us be strong and we didn’t know what that was. As kids, we observed how she was strong. Most times, we realised she hid from us her pains, her financial struggles and even her grief. I recently learnt of most of those things she hid from us and when I asked her why she did that, she said she didn’t want us worry but more so, she didn’t want to seem weak and vulnerable.

That’s the thing, we never want to seem weak and down and out. Because we know there are people around us that would talk about us and make us feel as if something is wrong with us for feeling a certain way. I hid most of pain and when I did share it with people they often didn’t care. And then eventually the few people I became close to and trust now, when I tell them of my stories they believe they too have the strength to carry on. Often enough, I get the question ”How do you be strong?” and my answer is ” It’s a process. It didn’t happen in one week nor one year”. The journey will never be easy. And that may seem daunting and problematic but you have to remember it’s a process and within you holds all the tools you need for the journey or challenge you face or going to face.

One thing I have learnt and I am currently accepting is that it is okay to cry and have breakdowns. These past eight months I have had so many of those, you can’t even begin to imagine. Most of those days I didn’t want to get off the bed or do anything. But I did eventually get up and do what I have to. And nobody knew how much I cried the night before or how sick I became because of my breakdowns. It took a toll on my immunity, blood pressure, hormones, weight, stress level. I didn’t want to face the fact that all that happened because of trauma. Now I am accepting it as it is. And I do not feel ashamed to say that I have been struggling and I am stronger now because of all that. I choose everyday to try and do what I can even if it’s hard. I owe it to myself to get better. And that’s my message about inner strength. You may not have my story and struggles but the point I am making is that it is okay to cry, feel hurt, down, frustrated. We’re human. That’s all part of the healing process and after that release of your emotions, get back up and keep trying to get better. Keep improving yourself and yes there will be days when those dark clouds come again and yes you will down. But always remain focused on you, on what you want to become, where you want to reach and plan ahead on how you are going to do that.